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Need a Lisa fix, between books? You can read Lisa every week in "Chick Wit," her Sunday column for the Philadelphia Inquirer. The column is in the Image section of the newspaper, but if you don't get the Inquirer, you can read "Chick Wit" right here on Lisa's site, each week! And if you read it here, you get the added bonus of Lisa's personal pictures which accompany the articles. So check back every week and get the latest.
Obviously, if you like Lisa's columns, you'll love her books. Great writing is great writing, wherever you read it, and Lisa's unique voice is the reason her books are so beloved. So if you like what you read below, Lisa would love it if you'd give one of her books a try. And let her know what you think by emailing her at lisa@scottoline.com!
Commencement Day by Lisa Scottoline |
June 29, 2008
Recently I had the great thrill of receiving an honorary degree from Drexel University, and so I stayed up all night before drafting a speech for Commencement Day. I tried to write something meaningful and profound, because you can't joke around in a commencement speech. It calls for loftier sentiments, and though I'm not incapable of same, I love to get laughs. So I was aiming for meaningful laughs.
In other words, every draft came out terrible.
Click here to read more.
To read Lisa's Commencement Speech in its entirety, click here.
Multitasking by Lisa Scottoline |
June 22, 2008
I give up. I admit it. I flunk multi-tasking.
Here's when I figured it out, finally:
I was in a hotel room watching MSNBC, as political pundits massaged an endless loop of the same election news. And at the bottom of the screen there were white banners with short phrases, evidently intended to explain the obvious, like OBAMA SPEAKING TO CROWD and McCAIN LEAVING PLANE. Under the white banners was "the crawl," a moving line of script that reported the events of the day, from whoever hit the last home run in Cincinnati to the stock market in Tokyo to new evidence that pomegranates aren't all they're cracked up to be.
Click here to read more.
Family Spat by Lisa Scottoline |
June 15, 2008
My mother and brother were getting ready to fly from Miami for my daughter's graduation when trouble broke out in paradise. It began when I got a text from my brother, which read:
CALL ME ASAP ABOUT MOM.
Click here to read more.
Spoiler Alert by Lisa Scottoline |
June 8, 2008
I'm a big fan of information. At least I was, until somebody invented the spoiler alert.
I first noticed spoiler alerts on an e-mail list I get about new mystery books. I didn't know what it meant, people writing SPOILER ALERT and then telling the ending to a mystery. I used to read the entire spoiler until I finally figured it out. Nothing like knowing whodunit before you know what they dun.
Click here to read more.
Graduation Day by Lisa Scottoline |
June 1, 2008
My daughter Francesca is graduating from college, and I spent the last hour trying to figure out her school's incredibly complicated commencement schedule. According to the website, there are three separate commencement exercises, and the main one will be attended by "approximately 32,000 people." The gates open at 6:45 a.m., and not everyone will get a seat, so the website advises me to get there in advance.
Ya think?
Click here to read more.
Dandelions by Lisa Scottoline |
May 25, 2008
I may have detected another difference between men and women, in addition to the one you're thinking of.
Click here to read more.
Lucy by Lisa Scottoline |
May 18, 2008
Sad news, and this time it's no joke.
My old dog Lucy, who was happily recovering from tetanus, just passed away. This time her heart failed, and she died the day after my column ran, about her amazing recovery. I got home from the vet hospital, without her, in time to pick up my Sunday paper.
Click here to read more.
Things to Do by Lisa Scottoline |
May 11, 2008
I just finished my next book, which means that I finally have time to tackle my list of Things To Do. It takes me a year to write a book, so I had 293,773 Things To Do. I started doing them on Saturday, but I got only one Thing done.
It's not my fault.
To explain, I let my Things To Do pile up because when I'm in the final draft of a book, I do nothing else. I let everything go, including my roots. You don't want to see me with final-draft roots. It looks like my hair got caught in a forest fire, leaving behind burnt trunks and a very single woman.
Click here to read more.
The Accidental Driver by Lisa Scottoline |
May 4, 2008
Insurance is fun. I don't mean health insurance, because health insurance is never fun. But for some reason, car insurance is a laugh riot.
Here's what I mean.
Click here to read more.
Mona Lucy Smile by Lisa Scottoline |
April 27, 2008
I just lived an episode of Emergency Vet. Tune in.
The star is Lucy, my old golden retriever, who is still rockin' after 13 years. Her eyes, brown as bittersweet chocolate, remain bright, though her step has slowed and she scuffs around on dust-mop paws. Her fur, which used to be a thick russet color, never grew back after a shave last summer, so her coat sprouts in crazy patches, like onion grass. Lucy's a Bad Hair Dog.
Click here to read more.
Mix 'N Match by Lisa Scottoline |
April 20, 2008
These are confusing times to be alive, biologically speaking. All manner of shenanigans are going on at DNA level, so many I can't keep up with them all. I rely on People magazine to keep me abreast of the latest science news, and I was amazed by its recent article on the pregnant man.
Click here to read more.
Color Me Mine by Lisa Scottoline |
April 13, 2008
I'm two months from getting the house painted, but I'm already fantasizing about paint colors. If the real estate classifieds are porn, paint chips are a kinky subculture, the S&M of home decor.
The pain is exquisite.
Click here to read more.
The Fixer by Lisa Scottoline |
April 4, 2008
You may remember that I'm in Home Improvement Frenzy. Aluminum siding is coming off, cedar shakes are going on. Working at my house today are stonemasons, roofers, and carpenters, but none of them is single.
It gets worse.
Click here to read more.
Kids Say The Darndest by Lisa Scottoline |
March 30, 2008
I'm a fan of shortcuts. Not in my job, but in everything else, to make more time for my job. My daughter calls me Sally Shortcut, but it only makes me swell with pride. I don't know who raised that child.
Click here to read more.
Temptation by Lisa Scottoline |
March 23, 2008
These are hard times for people like me, who are easily tempted. I try to stay on my diet, but with all the food commercials, I find myself in a TV smorgasbord of chocolate cakes, quarter-pounders, and vanilla ice cream. And the only way I can avoid temptation is not to buy forbidden food, because if a chocolate cake finds its way into my house, I cannot resist it. I will eat my way through it. Which brings me to the point of this column:
Illicit sex.
Click here to read more.
Emergency Hair by Lisa Scottoline |
March 16, 2008
I don't know if you're like this, but here's something weird that I do.
Click here to read more.
Time Travels by Lisa Scottoline |
March 9, 2008
My mother has gone back to Miami, and I miss her snowy white hair, her homemade meatballs, and her lab coat. And there's one other thing I miss.
Her back scratcher.
Click here to read more.
Tour De Force by Lisa Scottoline |
March 2, 2008
By the time you read this, I'll be on book tour. I love touring, partly because it involves room service. And mostly because people who hate your books don't come to your signings.
For the ones who come, it's a lovefest, with free Tastykakes.
But it was not always thus.
Click here to read more.
For Kathy by Lisa Scottoline |
February 24, 2008
Many of you e-mail me to comment on the column, for which I thank you. Especially when you like it.
Occasionally you don't, and that's OK, too. Lately, there's good news and bad news in the e-mail, and I thought I'd take a second to share it with you.
Click here to read more.
February 17, 2008
The Philadelphia Inquirer is not running Lisa's column this Sunday, February 17th. Instead they'll be excerpting Lisa's new book, Lady Killer, which is making its debut this week! Come back next Sunday for Lisa's latest column.
Love by Lisa Scottoline |
February 10, 2008
With Valentine's Day coming up, the newspaper, TV and stores are full of heart-shaped candy boxes, roses and jewelry for "that special someone." The holiday has become a celebration of romantic love, and that's great if you're in a romance or you're married, which is like having an automatic valentine.
But not everyone is so lucky.
Click here to read more.
Mysteries of Life, Part Uno by Lisa Scottoline |
February 3, 2008
There's a lot of talk lately about the mysteries of life. By that phrase, people seem to mean how the Earth began or other questions that only public television can answer.
Click here to read more.
A Tale of Two Kitties by Lisa Scottoline |
January 27, 2008
You may remember that I have two kittens, Mimi and Vivi. They're eight months old and, although they look a lot alike, their personalities couldn't be more different.
This is A Tale of Two Kitties.
Click here to read more.
Wants and Needs by Lisa Scottoline |
January 20, 2008
My daughter Francesca came home from visiting a friend the other day and said, "Mom, you know what we need?"
Uh oh.
Click here to read more.
Whoopee Socks by Lisa Scottoline |
January 13, 2008
My mother is visiting my daughter and me, and you know what that means. More Scottoline family hijinks, most recently in the clothes department.
The change in climate from Miami to Philly has caused major wardrobe drama, and at all times, we have much discussion about what my mother should wear that day. Turtlenecks strangle her. Wool scratches her. Silk snags. Acrylic is perfect but only in cardigans. Layers are too bunchy.
Given how picky my mother is, imagine my surprise when she came down for breakfast one morning wearing a white lab coat over her clothes.
Click here to read more.
Hearing Voices by Lisa Scottoline |
January 6, 2008
We've all heard that when you have to make a decision, you should listen to your inner voice.
But I have a question.
What if you disagree with your inner voice?
Click here to read more.
Happy New Year by Lisa Scottoline |
December 30, 2007
I like to make New Year's resolutions, but many people don't. They know that they're not going to keep their resolutions, and they figure, quite logically, that it's stupid to make a resolution you're not going to keep.
They're absolutely right.
But I'm not that logical.
Click here to read more.
Thank You by Lisa Scottoline |
December 23, 2007
Lots of people travel around the holidays, and I'm no exception. I've been driving around like crazy, and if I'm driving, that means I'm getting lost.
Luckily, my car isn't.
Click here to read more.
Holiday Guilt by Lisa Scottoline |
December 16, 2007
We all have so much to do around the holidays, and it can be hard to prioritize. But I have a secret weapon that you might like, too, so I'll fill you in:
My secret weapon is guilt.
Click here to read more.
Getting Religion by Lisa Scottoline |
December 9, 2007
Lately there's been talk about a religion that allows polygamy, so that a man can have as many wives as he pleases. I think this may be a radical form of the religion, but it's on a TV show, so maybe it's only an HBO form of the religion.
But that's not my point.
Click here to read more.
Priceless by Lisa Scottoline |
December 2, 2007
I'm going to tell you the secret behind successful holiday shopping. And it's contrary to everything you have learned.
You know how they tell you that when you're giving a gift, you should give the other person what they like, not what you like? Well, that credo is exactly, 100 percent, wrong.
Click here to read more.
Body Parts by Lisa Scottoline |
November 25, 2007
This column is often about the differences between men and women, but this time I thought I'd bring up something we have in common. Namely, that we can't always control our eyes.
Click here to read more.
Thanksgiving by Lisa Scottoline |
November 18, 2007
Thanksgiving is about family, so I thought I'd ask my daughter, Francesca, for her thoughts about the day. We spend so much time talking to and teaching our children that sometimes it's nice just to ask them what they think, and listen to the answer. So take a minute this Thanksgiving to find out what your baby birds think of the holiday.
Click here to read more.
Hold On a Min- by Lisa Scottoline |
November 11, 2007
Let us now praise interrupting.
I know it's an unpopular position, but I'm not one to shy away from controversy. I've already admitted to emergency-room bralessness and spitting out Dead Whoppers.
I have a habit of interrupting, and now I'm going to make a case for it.
Click here to read more.
Topless by Lisa Scottoline |
November 4, 2007
You know how they tell you to wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident? Well, this story is almost like that.
Click here to read more.
Cristoforo by Lisa Scottoline |
October 28, 2007
Recently, I was the grand marshal of the Columbus Day parade, and I liked it so much it scared me.
I walked down Broad Street with people clapping on both sides. If I waved, they waved back. If I smiled, they smiled back. If I strutted like a Mummer, they did, too. So what if they had no idea who I was? I still ate it up.
Click here to read more.
Nature Girl by Lisa Scottoline |
October 14, 2007
I'm a big fan of nature. I enjoy walking through a pasture with my dogs, or riding little Buddy through the woods. Also, when I'm inside, I like to look through the window at a cloudless blue sky, pretty as a Microsoft screensaver. In other words, I like nature just fine, as long as it stays outside. But lately at my house, nature has been overstepping her bounds.
Click here to read more.
American Excess by Lisa Scottoline |
October 7, 2007
I think the world divides into two groups: people who take advantage of membership rewards programs and people like me.
Click here to read more.
Roadmap by Lisa Scottoline |
September 30, 2007
I write this the day after I took my daughter back to college, and I miss her. I know I'm not the only sad parent. My good friend sent her son to kindergarten a few weeks ago and she's still crying.
Click here to read more.
Movie Time by Lisa Scottoline |
September 23, 2007
Recently, my daughter and I went to the movies and saw one of the worst movies ever. But we had a great time, for one reason:
Movie candy.
Click here to read more.
Dream Job by Lisa Scottoline |
September 16, 2007
It's fun to do something dumb. Not something really dumb, like my second marriage. That was really, really dumb.
Click here to read more.
September Song by Lisa Scottoline |
September 9, 2007
Summer's over, and I'm trying to be mature about it. I'm ignoring the depression I always feel at the end of summer, and the dread at the onset of autumn. For a cheery girl, I get a little gloomy around now. Why?
Click here to read more.
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Suggestion Box by Lisa Scottoline |
September 2, 2007
I don't know when this started, but I've become very suggestible lately. I first noticed it when I was watching The Sopranos. Every time they ate a plate of spaghetti and meatballs, I wanted a plate of spaghetti and meatballs. I couldn't help myself. I craved spaghetti and meatballs, even though eating carbs is now against federal law and I'm supposed to be a vegetarian. Still, I spent a lot of time fantasizing about spaghetti and meatballs.
Click here to read more.
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Name Game by Lisa Scottoline |
August 26, 2007
I'm considering a new name for this column — You-Don't-Have-to-Be-a-ChickWit. I'm thinking this because recently I've had a few men tell me that they like the column, but they feel funny reading a column with the word chick in the title. This is a problem because I want men to read me.
Click here to read more.
Corgi, Interrupted by Lisa Scottoline |
August 19, 2007
So it's come to this: My dog is on Prozac. Yes, you read that right. Ruby, my Pembroke Welsh corgi, is on Prozac. Laugh away. Tell me I must be crazy to put a dog on meds. My only defense is that talk therapy didn't work.
Click here to read more.
Facebook by Lisa Scottoline |
August 12, 2007
Nobody likes to look stupid, especially in front of a kid. Although many of us parents know how to use a computer, there are still things on the Internet that are mysteries to us.
Click here to read more.
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King Tut by Lisa Scottoline |
July 29, 2007
OK, so my brother has escaped back to Miami, and my mother is still visiting me and my daughter. One afternoon we were all in front of the TV, comatose before the Everybody Loves Raymond marathon, having finished the Law & Order marathon. For the last two weeks, my mother wouldn't go anywhere else but the kitchen. Driven to distraction, I offhandedly suggested we go see the King Tut exhibition.
Click here to read more.
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Family Fun by Lisa Scottoline |
July 22, 2007
My mother and brother are here to visit my daughter and me, spending a week at my house, and I learned a few things you might be able to use when your own family comes to visit.
Click here to read more.
Story Time by Lisa Scottoline |
July 15, 2007
'Once upon a time" is one of my favorite phrases in the world. Also, "A man walks into a bar." Why? Because they begin a story.
Click here to read more.
Ode to Parents of College-Age Kids by Lisa Scottoline |
July 8, 2007
Those of you who read my last column know that it was about my life as an empty-nester whose baby bird, my daughter, Francesca, is home from college for the summer. But there are two sides to every story. I thought it would be fun for you to hear her side, and so I wanted her to contribute to this column.
Click here to read more.
Baby Bird by Lisa Scottoline |
July 1, 2007
I am a woman who likes routines, but now that my daughter, Francesca, is home from college for the summer, the times they are a-changing.
Click here to read more.
Fashionista by Lisa Scottoline |
June 24, 2007
I'm not sure when I officially stopped mattering, but I think it began at age 40. I know this because I'm a great reader of fashion magazines, and InStyle recently told me that I no longer mattered, if indeed I existed at all.
Click here to read more.
Happy Father's Day by Lisa Scottoline |
June 17, 2007
Those of you who read my Mother's Day column know that my mother is extraordinary. My father is, too, though he has passed away. The fact that he's gone doesn't mean that I've stopped loving him. The human heart doesn't work that way. Fact is, I'm still a daddy's girl.
Click here to read more.
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Betty and Veronica by Lisa Scottoline |
June 10, 2007
I realized the other day that I don't care about superpowers because I didn't read those comics as a kid. To me, Superman and Batman were for boys. Girls had Betty Cooper and Veronica Lodge, the blond and brunette bombshells of the Archie comics. I loved those comics and still remember their many valuable lessons.
Click here to read more.
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Lost and Found by Lisa Scottoline |
June 3, 2007
Did you ever lose something that you really cared about?
Click here to read more.
Empowerment by Lisa Scottoline |
May 27, 2007
Nowadays, superpowers are everywhere. At the movies, Spider-Man has superpowers, and so do Sandman, Venom, and whatever the other bad guy is. On TV, all the people in Heroes have superpowers, and Medium is a soccer mom with superpowers. In books, Harry Potter is a boy with superpowers, and Tolkien's The Children of Hurin has hobbits with superpowers, which may be redundant.
Click here to read more.
Classified Porn by Lisa Scottoline |
May 20, 2007
Everybody has their pornography, and mine is the real estate ads. I don't know when this happened or why, but I read the real estate ads with the absorption of a pervert.
Click here to read more.
Earthquake Mary by Lisa Scottoline |
May 13, 2007
It's Mother's Day, and this is a column about mothers. I am a mother, I have a mother, and I love mothers. I think mothers are a natural force, and maybe an alternative source of fuel.
Click here to read more.
Girl and Boy Email by Lisa Scottoline |
May 6, 2007
Today's column is part of my never-ending effort to understand the differences between men and women. Want to play along? I could use the help.
Click here to read more.
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Have It My Way by Lisa Scottoline |
April 29, 2007
I used to think of myself as a low-maintenance woman. I used to believe I was easy to please. But now I know better, and it took Starbucks for me to realize the truth.
Click here to read more.
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A Day at the Opera by Lisa Scottoline |
April 22, 2007
I think adults don't have enough fun. We go to work and the dry cleaners. We shop for produce and pet food. We attend the weddings of our cousins and make conversation with people we don't know. We have so many stupid errands and obligations that when we've finally performed them all, we sit around and do nothing, delighted that no one is torturing us anymore.
Click here to read more.
High-Def by Lisa Scottoline |
April 15, 2007
I'm cranky about something, and this time it's something that matters. Recently, Justice Anthony Kennedy testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee and argued against cameras in the Supreme Court, saying it would introduce an "insidious temptation" for justices to shape their comments and questions from the bench into sound bites.
Really? Is that the best argument a sitting Supreme Court justice can make for not allowing cameras in the courtroom? That the justices need to be saved from themselves?
Click here to read more.
Hollow Bunnies by Lisa Scottoline |
April 8, 2007
Generally, this column won't have anything to do with religion or politics, and though I want to say a word about Easter and Passover here, you'll see that the following has more to do with saturated fats than with Christianity or Judaism.
Click here to read more.
Frequently Hungry by Lisa Scottoline |
April 1, 2007
I'm on the greatest diet in the world. I'm losing weight like nobody's business and I don't even exercise. All I do is sit on my butt and eat everything that's put in front of me, no matter what time of day or night. The only drawback to this diet is that it's incredibly expensive. It's the frequent-flier diet.
Click here to read more.
Of Dogs and Men by Lisa Scottoline |
March 25, 2007
I'm old enough to remember Ozzie and Harriet, which means that my vision of the nuclear family was born in the 1950s and never quite grew up. By that I mean, an American family has a mommy and a daddy and two kids. And a dog.
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The First Day by Lisa Scottoline |
March 18, 2007
This is my first column. I feel compelled to sharpen pencils and drink bad coffee out of somebody else's mug. The mug should say something cute and office-y, like "You want it when?"
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