Chick Wit: Game of Thrones
If you read me, you know that I get jazzed about certain products.
And then I spread the word, herein.
I'd like to do that right now, with a short preface before I get to the point.
This, instead of my usual endless preface before I get to the point.
Getting to the point isn't all it's cracked up to be.
So here we go.
First, my favorite product in the world is my books. If you enjoy these Sunday stories, they're all collected in books I write with Daughter Francesca, and you should buy some and read them right away.
What you waiting for? You know you already like me, and the books are cheap.
And thank you for your support.
Second, any one of my books would go very nicely with the product I am about to recommend, but this is where we come to another preface. The following is for mature audiences only.
Also my readers.
If you like what I write about, and the way I write about it, you should feel free to keep reading. I say this with confidence because if you meet all of the above criteria, then you have endured stories about bunions, gray chin hairs, and adult diaper rash. And through my misadventures, I’ve recommended products I love, like Boudreaux's Butt Paste, ThermaCare, and Bradley Cooper.
In other words, you know way too much about me and you don't mind. Maybe you can relate.
Or you have a strong stomach.
And a great sense of humor.
Even if your breasts sag.
Unsaggy breasts aren't all they're cracked up to be, either.
I mean, we get it, girls.
Soon you'll be us.
Anyway, to inch closer to my point, there's an ick factor to the discussion of my second-favorite product, so if I haven't cured you of your prissiness so far, check out now.
Because we’re entering the throne room with my favorite new throne.
The Squatty Potty.
I don't know if you've heard about it, but it's my new love.
I heard about the Squatty Potty on the radio, and I thought it sounded like an interesting idea. Bottom line, and no pun, it's basically a stool that fits around the base of your toilet, and so when you sit on the toilet, it raises your legs into a squatting position.
Still with me?
Good. Either way. You can't please everybody, and the people who continue to read will have their life changed.
Or at least their colon.
By the way, I have no problem in the bathroom.
Only in the bedroom.
In that I sleep with five dogs and a remote control.
Plus I'm no doctor, but I believe the Squatty Potty website, which says that squatting relaxes the puborectalis muscle, or basically, a kink in your colon. When you use your Squatty Potty, your colon gets unkinked.
Again, not a medical term.
I have a J.D., not an M.D.
But I like the idea that a squatting position is more natural for your anatomy. It may be a sign of the times that I've fallen in love with a toilet, but I don't view it as being about elimination. I view it as being about my health, and by my health I mean me living as long as humanly possible and then some.
I want you to live as long that long, too, especially if you're buying my books.
I always used to think about death, but after I turned sixty, it became more than academic. I truly wonder what will kill me, but unfortunately as soon as I find out, I'll be dead.
Everything has a catch.
But I do find myself being more conscientious about eating healthy foods and exercising even when I don't want to.
Let's pretend golf is exercise.
Everybody else does.
But my favorite exercise of all is sitting down, and now I can sit down and know that I'm getting healthier, every time I'm in the throne room.
Look at it this way.
If you don’t want to do squats, you can just, well, squat.
© Lisa Scottoline 2015