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Lisa and her daughter, Francesca Serritella, have teamed up to bring their hilarious and witty perspective on the everyday life as mother and daughter in their weekly essays which you can find in their latest collection, out now, Does This Beach Make Me Look Fat? With stories that will have you laughing out loud one minute and tearing up the next, Lisa and Francesca connect with readers on a deeply emotional level because of the honesty they bring to their stories and by the time you turn the last page you will feel like you just found two new best girlfriends. Earlier collections include Have a Nice Guilt Trip, Meet Me at Emotional Baggage Claim, Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog, My Nest Isn't Empty, It Just Has More Closet Space, and Best Friends, Occasional Enemies.

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Chick Wit: Spaghetti and Salad
By Lisa Scottoline | October 4, 2015

They say you should never talk about politics or religion.

But these days, politics is religion.

And I think that's a wonderful thing.

This way, instead of not talking about two things separately, you can not talk about two things together.  

This is much more efficient.

It's like if you were going to have dinner of spaghetti and salad.  In the old days, we ate them separately, but these days, we mix the spaghetti and the salad together and eat them that way.

Doesn't that sound delicious?

Isn't that better? 

This way, we're doing two things at once, and we all know that that always yields better results.

Except when you're driving.

The one thing we all agree on is that drinking and driving is not for the betterment of society.

Neither is texting and driving.

Or talking on the phone and driving.

Or doing anything else but driving while you're driving, but nevertheless, people do this every day.

We love to combine things. 

That's how we roll.

Usually we're rolling into a divider, but never mind that right now.

It's interesting to contrast today with the way things used to be.  Because if you look back, history didn't combine things the way we do.

For example, our forefathers did not see the wisdom in combining things.  They were old-fashioned that way, and I'm sure they didn't eat spaghetti and salad together.  

They didn't think politics and religion should be combined, and in fact they wrote that down on a piece of paper, like a Things To Do List for America.

One of the items on the list was to Keep Church and State Separate.

But what did they know?

And who does everything on their Things To Do List?


Obviously, we've improved on that separation-of-church-and-state nonsense this political season, when the first thing every politician tells you is which God he believes in, how much harder he believes in his God than the other politicians, and which God qualifies you to be the best politician.

Good to know.

By the way, just so we're clear, both Democrats and Republicans do this.

Which is all for the better.

It makes politics a lot easier for everyone.

Because then you can just choose the guy who's on the same team you are and that saves the politician the time of thinking up anything good for the country.

(Or you.)

And it also saves the politician the time he'd spend talking about the economy, unemployment, war, education, health care, and other issues that are totally boring.

I myself am going to vote for the most religious politician I can find.  He should wave a Bible in each hand and balance one on his head at the same time that he recites from one. 

In fact, if he could juggle Bibles, he should be president.


That's my religious test.

Who can juggle the most Bibles?

Anyway, in the midst of these extremely pious politicians comes Pope Francis, a bona-fide religious leader.

And he didn't even talk about religion. 

True, he talked about God, but he didn't speak only to his team, and he talked to people who don't believe in God at all.

Can you think of a single politician who will say something nice about atheists?

Instead, the Pope talked about the golden rule. 

He said we should be closer to one another and support each other.

He talked about how we should take care of the less fortunate among us.

And he showed what he thought we should be doing, by hugging people, kissing babies, and visiting the sick and senior citizens.

Others talked about religion for him, and they set up his stage with all the stuff, symbols, and signs.

And all of the politicians who introduced the Pope talked about religion more than he did. 

The politicians pandered to the Pope.

This can't be helped.

They wake up like this.

They tell people what they think people want to hear.

So they can get what they want from people, which is your vote and your money.

But Pope Francis didn't want anything from anybody.

Except to send a message.

And the message was love.

I'll vote for that.


© Lisa Scottoline 2015

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